House of Cards: An LGBTQIA2+ Podcast
House of Cards: An LGBTQIA2+ Podcast

Episode · 5 months ago

House of Cards; An LGBTQ Podcast: WINTER HOLIDAY EDITION

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

HAPPY HOLIDAYS. yes its that time of the year again but with covid it makes celebrating all of this EVEN HARDER! So we decided to tell you some history behind Chirstmas, the gay history, and then a bit about how we celebrate our holiday times! We hope you liked the epsiode and we hope to see you next week! if not, have a good rest of your life! Remember you are vaild as fuck, and stay gay.

Twitter: @LGBT_deck

Instagram: @houseofcards_podcast

Tiktok: @houseofcardslgbt

Written by Avery Ann

Edited by Jaxson Stiles

Produced by: Jaxson , Avery and Simone, Jesse,

Music: Lofi-Missing memories , lofi fading away, lofi fly and lofi escapie,

Welcome to the House of cards and lgbtq plays podcast. My name is Simone. I use she. They pronounced I'm one of your host for today. Wait, what, What Huh? You just say that you're at my house for today? Oh Yeah, I'm one of your hosts for today. That's what I heard. I'm at Your House for today, your house today. I am your house. Okay, Simone, Simone, smone, moment of silence with uncertainty. SUMONE, you're taking advice about what avery and jess hard when they didn't even hear you say. I'm your host for today. Okay, but are you in my house? So, because I could really use a hug. No, I oh my God, sweet, are you okay? Never might you ask? I haven't been okay since two thousand and eleven. Happen in two thousand and eleven it I thought you were going to say the year of your birth, and I was like that's a hot jake. there. Did you come out in two thousand and eleven? No, I don't remember. You didn't bade you come out like these. One eighteen. I like seventeen years. Wow, good for you. that. Moving on. I am a Rien. I used she heard pronouns, and today I learned that pigs don't sweat because they don't have sweat clans. Yes, that is it, and that happens. That's dope. I wish I didn't have sweat. Well, Oh my God, wait, Jes, if you you'd have to cool off by rolling in mud. WHO, why do we record this at seven? Have exactly what my age? I don't know, and that's part of the sparkle this fucos. The sparkle in question me not being able to say multi level management. Yeah, that's the one. That's enough for marketing, multi level marketing, if we can't even say it. A navy doesn't have adhd. I do have OCD, though. That is all the D is, and I have time. Except, yes, I use the pronouns, and today I found out that my snapchat name is the same name as an eleven year old murderer. Your bestie did this, is it? You Eleven? He happens like the S and I bet if anybody did enough research that'd be able to find it out. Although it's not just that. There's like coppers after it, but white watching fucked up documentaries at two PM, because, you know what else am I going to do. It was the like girls name was almost exactly the same as my snapchat handle. I was like fuck, I didn't even do that on purpose. Holy Shit, and no, I can't stop overthinking it now. You're a motor how does it feel? I not a first the first time. That's a lie. I'm also like, okay, but you're not fine. I just kind of I just google that and there's actually there's a website called murder pedia. Yeah, wait, Jess, I have a question. I have a bookmarked up. Did you add me on snapchat, because someone named says that he's just someone advanced up to and then like never type me something like I think that's just it. The bit most she looks like Jess, but you know, Oh, find it's just as daddy and my snapchat as you could. Let me go. No, she get this is really cursed image of chicken, the one on the discord. What all? Is it the same one on the discord? I did, I did get that picture. Okay, wait, dude, I've heard if that's real killer or I've heard of that murder. Yeah, I'm jounded to death. She likes strangled a couple of...

...kids or whatever. She strangled two boys. They are fit. They asked fixed anyway. On the topic of Morrows, I'm Jackson. I'm gonna find as I us see them, pronouns, but when my math teacher affords to me as am, I went into full panic. Oh Damn, math teachers be like that. No, it was just like he was. It was referring to me like as you should right, and then my friends like that's not correct, and I was like wait, pronound, Chris Hassiens, it's fine. I was too busy talking about shit. A very like known fact about you and your look's not right. Like the other day somebody asked me how old I was, and I did ask. Said Sixteen. You're not, and I still dude, I still think I'm fifteen. Don't even I thought you were twelve. Y. That actually happened at work the other week. Guy came up to me. He goes, he goes. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten nap about the child. He goes. He's like parents, like look for parents or whatever, and I looked him dead in the eyes. When I'm working here for four and a half years, he's like Oh and left. Wow, I see you. If you just respect you like that again, kill him. I mean, I haven't seen him since, so I'm ninety percent sure he's like definitely going to kidnap and murder me. But I just like, do I look like a twelve year old? I don't think so. You look like at you look like a twelve. You A boy who's about to loan what sexes? I don't about sex. You Do, Buddy Nigga, and you, Simon Mac, but whatever. Mcbars, Nick Burch, Nick laws, what the fuck? Okay, hold that, hold up them before less Andrew for just going to Andrew. HOLD UP BEFORE JESS IS gonna kill us some about. Where can you find us? On? Sorry, meeting Gross Um Web. On instagram, you can find us at homes of cards, underscore podcast, on twitter at lgbt underscore deck and on Tick Tock as house of cards podcast. And we used to have a patriarch and I still think that's hilarious. It's still toughly, it's still like me. Yeah, we just don't functions, we just don't use it. It's just like I don't use my anti depressions. Anyway, Christmas, let us know if we should start using her patreon in the comments below. It's quite below your mom rys. It's Christmas. All right, happy Chrismar, capitalism, but more what? So I what did you say? Right, APPA, I was a capitalism. Christmas is a capitalist holiday invented by Jesus. Is that somebody the other day about like, Oh, they're not going to allow like Christmas songs and radio soon because they're like, like, you know, like religious Christmas Song. Christmas in and of itself is religious and it wouldn't without religion. Religious songs from every other Christmas song simply isn't possible. That's actually not entirely true. Well, that's the part of what the episode is. The reason that Christmas got so widely commercialized in like the Western world, though, like an America and stuff like that, was because of the connotations that came with Christianity. The actual origin of Christmas was like like a hundred and thirty years or something before Christ was even born, like winter solstice. This is just but I literally never read the episode script before. It's okay, same it breaks. He was basically saying that you can completely remove like you can't have like you can have a holiday without the religion, which also isn't possible because, well, other things that is a religious thing. It's just like, I don't know, okay, and thinks yeah, that part, that part is true, because you can separate Christianity from Christmas, but you can't separate religion because it's like it's based on like gifting things as like sacrifice to a God. Yeah, but gift giving as a general thing you can do any time of the year. Christmas is a special because, you know, usually people make a big show out of giving people gifts, and that's and that's where the capitalism part comes in.

Words, right, yeah, it's literally just like Christmas is only as interesting as big as of a deal is is because of corporations. And wait, wait, guys, guys, guys. Yeah, what's up? Guy's a fucking nor. Those trying to make this funny and bring comedy. And then you guys would at random at anti capital of an Antie. Come on, I love. Thirty minutes ago, you think I've been a good mood. Yeah, you have a beautiful threatening, you have a beautiful face and a fat chest. Did I look up thirty minutes ago to an empty house and my dog scratching out my door to be fed? I'm okay, that's how that's how I wake up when I say over your house to I would up to with. What is with this tension? Good, God, tired Dalling, Miss Molly? Yeah, some someone's a bit tired note in the mood to be made fun of, which is why I will continuously pressure them into being more annoyed, because it's fun for me. I'm gonna kill you. Do it, I'll own we already. Oh God. Anyway, I think that's a great apple. I think that's a great time to move into a topic, which so we'll talk about a bit of history of Christ Smiths, because avery loves to educate the youth. I do. It's a I Chi Nic. My brain is constant need for stimulation. It's almost like she's going into education. I was we just did a Christmas episode for like the fun of it, and neighbors like what, what's the educational pot? Didn't say that totally, but I think that's what you are reference in. I was like Christmas, savery is like backs, and said let's do a fun, light hearted Christmans episode means some mode. Immediately start talking about murder and capitalism and avered at the six page I say about the history of Chrisbon's that could sums everything up. It was like I'm like, like, guyslet's this lad hearted episode and like you, guys, just do not follow along. You's like fuck that. There's something. There's something. There's something in the air today. There's just like there's like, Oh my God, they're told what the planets are doing. o My God, lets are floating. I don't know. How are the planets today? The planets are ruining. Motivation, dude, Venus isn't fucking retrograde. That makes so much sense. That means strife and relationships. That's why me and Jackson are quibbling. Sounds like penis. See, you know I was talking about this, that I thought about this at school and it's why I check them on something, but I didn't give someoney in context because I was asleep. I never know, like. So these two guys in my class continuously kind of like plants over at me and my brains like either they like me or they're going to hate crying me later. Oh both. You know, considering where you live, it's mostly that they're going to hate crab you or there's a giant purple monsters standing behind you flipping them off at all times. Is it you, it's me, just me and the school, just fucking flipping everyone off. You guys would be guys. Probably hate everybody at my school. Yeah, I've they put. They would all definitely call like Miss Gender, just all the time, nonstop. But then I just have to pull up my massive long proven wrong. I hope you do. They would, they would. You know, you know, I feel like I could survive. I'm going to be honest. Unfortunately, you would adapt, you would prone into the bitch that everyone hates and then, actually, okay, here's what would happen. You would, you would blend in right m and then something would happen and you'd get excommunicated, because I have been friends with people just like you all the time and always sends that they do something and then everyone hates them and I'm just confused because they no longer go to the school. It usually ends up being something like, Oh, they dated my ex boyfriend when Shit like that happened. No, it's like that that killed someone or that they like broke into someone's house or that they well, you know, I do that anyways. So No, it was normally something like that. Anyway, M fucking Christmas, Merry Christ Mar christmis happy holidays, happy Hannaka. You'll is a thing, I don't know. Will marry? You'll marry. You, dawn, better, Dawn. We now all gay apparel, which is basically which is all much. No, I that would have been a great time to reveal all. March. Okay, we don't have a guardian. We should make much. Yeah, we were waiting to if you pay for it. Welcome...

...back. They have literally like said this on the thing, like I'm planning this, it is in the works. Okay, I haven't welcome back. Today we're going to talk about, you know, Christmas, chrystal Christ thing, it like that. So Divine, divine Christ Christmas, Chrysler, Chissmith, Christmas, every Christmas. Very Kay Smith, Happy Chrysler, the Chrysler. Yeah, do you not know the VINEA? You like old. We know the I do know you're pretty old, Jess. It's okay, it's just the oldest one. Yep, yes, I like a large margin. I believe I'm a three months, seven days, two months. Oh, that means we can start getting paid by ads soon? Yeah, we can anyway. So you start so due to the hunger that avery has to educate people, which I stand and love and adore. Orders up with the origin of Christ, origin of Christmas as a holiday, and then the four of us are going to take tones showing some holiday stories and traditions, and you know, it's probably going to tone into why one of US skilled our entire family off. Anyway. So that for Alania, or the real gay C is it actually called that, or did you just make get up the real great Christmas? Oh No, that was an article that I found. Oh my God, is super fucking true. So it's an ancient Roman Pagan Festival that are an honors Saturn, the god of fertility and Entrepotur, isn't she? It's a meter in the other one. No, Chronos, actually, that's correls. Yeah, Bitch, I'm literally googling how to celebrate Saturnalia right now because I'm doing that instead this year. It says in the episode. You just wait. Okay, that's like the whole par yeah, but I'm Wiki how answers valid. We have a superior to house of cards. It's not shut up. We need literally seek you how to relocate your shoulder, and I will too. You pop it back from place. Anyway, a very okay. Daturnalia derived from the even more ancient practice of farming rituals during the winter solstice, in which gifts were sacrifices to gods. Originally only appearing for one day, Saturnalia then expanded to a week one festival that began on December seventeen. This was because, in the Julian calendar, which the Romans used in winter solstice was on December twenty five, and that I only added that in there because I'm a nerd and I thought I was cool to celebrate work business in school. We're all canceled and People Hung Reeds and greenery on their doors. That's really interesting, because I know that the winter solstice the modern calendars of twenty firs were just my birthday. Yeah, I think that's one, an accurate one. No, it is really weird to me because it's like that means that winter doesn't officially start until like literally end of December, which feels weird, doesn't it? I mean, no, definitely. How Track Care Ito? Yeah, I we live in Canada. That is it's like winter for eleven months and then like summer. From Romans would gambles, sing, dance and give each other gifts such as wax taper candles to signify like turning after the Solstice, on the last day is Saturn. Nuts sought Saturn Alia. Yeah, yeah, Saturn nlie. Yes, that was not a yes. PROMIS would give friends and loved one small terracotic figure during Saturnalia. Nahlia. I've been saying Nelia. Okay, Saturnalia. A mock king would be chosen to cause techos, and was Jos, if I whoever won the small point are gift. In a case, however, one of the most widely select celebra like albrated, celebrated aspects of Saturnalia where the warmer normal order was interrupted and roll reversals took quake. Wait, did they just cross dress? That's kind of fucking Kinky. Um, well, they definitely did. Also, I would like to be the king that causes chaos. For you are, Oh my God, your snaptime name. The King of chaos, the king who causes kids. That's so dope, Dude. You...

...should get that like tattooed across your color bones. Okay, of chaos. What's your Christmas plans? Oh Yeah, I'm just gonna be the king of chaos, as you should. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna give all of my loved ones terra cotta figurines. And, Oh my God, I was giving the I was given the sexual paragraph. You definitely, yeah, you were, even though I'm going to read apulsed Ark Drain me. Yeah, what the fuck. Anyways, Oh, gross Um, okay, slaves were served by their masters, tops became bottoms and men and women cross dress for dinners. People would run and sing and dance well naked, as they should it. And but it's cold, so like, I don't know. And many gifts included Rome, though this wasn't Oh yes, okay, so Roma's warm, so they don't have to worry about that. Okay, Geo geography. Yeah, and many gifts included those of a sexual nature, such as Felic shaped cakes, Aka Dick Cakes, like you have it a fucking Bachelorette party or just your daily life, naked figurines like the titty shot glass my brother is gifting me for Christmas this year, cosmetics, bazing and, oh my God, okay, books of a filthy nature, smut. Just call it what it is. They each other, Erotoicra. Yeah, history that I learned. The very first smut was written by a gay man, as is it casemt? Well, it was bisexual actually, and he wrote it because there was no like demonstration of Queer sex. And it's time, dude, like, you know what, Fuck, you won't make my own. The board was created by a bisexual with too much time at his hands. Continue. I love that so much. It's like I found a niche and I'm going to mark it to it exactly. I found that I'm really good at writing pawn. Let's get this thing going. Yeah, LA, your strengths, played your strengths. That sounds like you're like custie. Shut up. Okay, this, the Saturddaily, a feast itself, was actually only only a prelude to an evening full of orgies. It was a whole queer fest. There, I know. I almost wrote it in, but then I didn't want to. Well, okay, you wrote sexual. Every wrote sexual acts and improvising here, because or Jesus, funnier orgies. But our lovely pound a sexual could bring her fingers to write the word orgies, I would probably. I just I knew. I knew that's what you meant. I love how can slowly a very becoming more and more like sexual pulse and I absolutely adore it. I am, which is so funny, because I was a very weirdly weirdly fun fact, not really fun. It's actually quite disturbing to me personally. I'm sweat. Some aspects of my ocd are very, very, very heavily disturbed by my sexual pulsion as an asexual. Oh, interesting, yeah, that's fucking awful whacking. ANYWAYS, moving on. Okay, so these orgies were gay as fuck. Um, so you but from the script. So whenever someone asks you about the origin of Christmas, tell them it was a queer seccess festival to honor the Roman God of fertility, which you know. I'm texting my Nana as we speak. I might her day. I might post on sight and relatives with the script of this episode Avery Directs on Facebook. Do yes, you do amazingly, wait for your relatives. Bad, it's Christmas. Oh Yeah, you guys are telling me bright, hold up, hold up, hold up, that Jesus isn't real. Well, another is actual scientific group that a man named Jesus Christ lived. I'm sure many men named Jesus Christ existed at one point or another. Maybe it was like a really common name, and that's why they picked it so that'd be so many records of Jesus, the like. Okay, the name that everyone will know Bible. That wasn't his name. Yeah, no, Jack said, what was it? I don't remember what it definitely wasn't Jesus, because that's what does that sound like? A very bad lammi name. What is Jesus's birth name? It'd be funny. First, Jackson, I am Oh, it's jess it's Joshua. Yeah, Joshua, which is Joshua was translated into English and Joshua, which was then translated Jesus. Yeah, from what language? So basically he's picked his own name.

He grew well, it was just. It's just because the Bible got whitewashed. I think it was Hebrew. Yeah, it is. He threw yeah, because the Nobel like Joshua, was the English world. Oh my God, I'm Jesus. My first name is also Hebrew. Bible wasn't written in English, so they just had to translate. Wait, yeah, oh, holly all, but the original, the original copies of the Bible. Actually we're never one hundred percent translated. So there's actually like dozens of context clues that we don't even know so we probably, like, it's not hard to assume that we don't even know the actual stories of the Bible. Oh, yeah, no, all I know we knew probably about fifty percent about the lip language that the first Bible was translated from, which was between Latin and Hebrew, which means that if we were to retranslate it today, it would be completely different because we know so much more about the language because of like context clues and like just like research and stuff like that. So basically, we have to go back, find all the iterations and like writing to the Bible whatever, retranslate it and then go from there to actually properly celebrate the religion as it was personally written. I don't know, I just think that that's interesting. This. Yeah, I would want to piss off so many some that I would lose that's mind. If we actually, like we're able to get the original crew transcript of the very first Bible and then translate it into like full translation and stuff like that, like I would. I would, I would combusta your religious traumas a showing shut up. Shut up, you guys, like I don't, I don't really have religious trauma, and you, you three have talked about it and all you'm just here like admitted to have a religious drama. I really don't like. I stopped being Catholic at the age of nine. Bestie, I thought your Tick Tock. Shut up, summone, I'm not real. I don't have really trauma me, bestie. I follow your private tick Tock. I mean my grandma, which is a privilege that will be provoked now. What W you forget? My Grandma's religious like not so much anymore. Like she was, and she would take me to church with her a few times. I can't really remember it, but they're being like I think. I think the last time I went with her I was like ten or something. Yeah, I can't remember it, though. I think I just like blacked out every single time or something. I'm just an Apist at the ripe age of ten and now I'm pagan for you, a gateway looking each other like, oh, my mom is pagan, so she was like fully on board for this. Should should we get into the holiday traditions? Sure, yes, Jack. So, after talking about the religious trauma, let's talk about my divorced trauma. Oh so, actually, the reason I'm talking about the because I don't know if just no says. I don't know if just a family is just like mine, but like I'm from a divorce family, which is like like my parents don't go to Christmas together anymore. It's very like they will come together when me and my sister have something to do, but that's really it. Holidays completely different households. So I don't have a Christmas night, I have about five. There are five place I have to be in full places Christmas Day. Yeah, my God, it's exciting. It's so much fun. I love it with all my heart. So, yeah, actually incredible to actually this Sunday I have my forced Christmas dinner where I go to my dad's side and the family, and this happens around this time, always around the nineteen. It's always the week and weekend before Christmas, because my Nan likes to go to her favorite grandchild's house, which is my aunt. Yeah, it has to be like she literally goes there all the time. I'm like, I'm I know for sure that has to be the frame a shot favorite child. But anyway, we haven't only Christmas I open gifts from that side of the family. I talked to them and pretend that I'm still straight. You know the fun stuff, right. Hmm, what else do I do? That's really it. I kind of black out and say silent because Middle Child trauma time. I only get ignored at these events if my sister's there. I don't get talked to. Hate my sister gets in through. Hey, but that mine. But yeah, that's normally not that fun. We literally sit around, they talked for a bit, we open gifts, we eat food and then I leave. It's great, but I get free stuff right...

...through. That's the best part. And then we do nothing until the twenty four in where we'll go to my grandma's house and will like. So this one's more like a vent full because, like, my grandma loves us. Yeah, so basically what happens is we go there and normally there's a bit of that talking period, right, and then we play Chinese Christmas is saying just what they call it. I don't know what it actually is. I don't know if that's what basically we there's a bunch of presents on a table, right, yeah, pick a cup, you kick a number from a pile of like numbers and then the number you get is in what order you get to pick a present. So if I want, I pick a present and then or I can choose take a present from someone else. Like that's called white that the day white elephant, I think that's what it was. Oh, yeah, that's what they also called it. Yeah, so my family does that and I that's my favorite thing because I like to like get something and then the like Hey, can I trade and I'm just like no, and they're like it's literally about of alcohol, and I'm like, it's my bottle of alcohol. Oh my God, I tried Porn my dad's Christmas party. They their night and they said now, I gave me a diffuser. Wow, that that they saw fund literally, like not like I was the only minor there. Get New parents, right, and then we kind of say that we normally was some sort of Christmas movie my family really like. I can remember the Christma movie exactly. My family really likes the like family vacation, Christmas vacation, those ones that my family loves, those movies. Yeah, so normally we sit and do that. There's a bit of talking. We like to watch it. Sometimes we'll have a copy, Donno, but most of the time we just have appetizers and just chill out. We talk, we watch movie, we share some gifts and then around then the end of the night, we get gifts from that side. So how really works is I get, I have four times. Why? I get eye open presence. She's yeah, I know, I get like I get. I Open you gifts four times. So we open gifts again and then we normally go home and then we go to bed and we wait for Santa to come home, because he is my father. He is my father, man can crews home hanks. Yeah, my father, and then we wake up in the morning and we open presents right as you do. Yeah, my dogs fuck something up, we get upset, we may we have we always have Christmas practice. That's always the thing that happens. We wake up, we I make my coffee, we sit down, my brother hands us up presents because he's really yawn and enjoys like grabbing the presents given it to everyone. Sometimes he tries to open one that is in his and my mom's like that. And then me and my sister, after breakfast, we pack up and we go to my house and then we do the same thing all over again. Oh my goodness, let me talk of it. And then we come home and have the third Christmas dinner and then that's it. Son, I have three Christmas dinners. I have for gift opening events and I have to be in sometimes I have sometimes I go home, have do something with my family and then we go to supper with my grandparents. Oh my God, my God, the life of the really boring christmases compared to that. No, yeah, okay, guys, you to think about. I have to plan what I'm doing. Right, I have my Nance, my grandma's, my mom's, my dad's right, but till I get married, Wool Oh, I'm not my grandparents in laws, my other grandparents in laws, my mother in law, if the divorce, my fatherin law, plus my fact, like I like y'all, like you guys all like, Oh my God, not having your same parents in the house. That must be the hot no, the Holl know, planning holiday events. Dude, I don't envy it one bit. You need you wish up all, Dude. Dude, I'd cry. My extended family does nothing. No, I don't think. I mean you guys like think that the worst part is like not having your parents run. No, it's planning holidays. No, I do not envy you whatsoever. That sounds dude, if I had to see my extended family that much, I I would burn through their houses. I don't...

...think you guys end with me. I think that you guys don't know which food is actually the worst pot. The worst part is planning everything. Yeah, yeah, I don't think any of you than for me. I don't think anyone really worry. The worst part sounds like going to all of those places in such like a compact few days. Yeah, it's it doesn't stop out step like you do nothing, like from the from the twenty to the twenty. Third, I will do nothing. I will set up my home and do nothing. Okay, but then it's like dead, and then it's like go, go, go, go, and then it's dead. Yeah, I'm so, so exhausted by the end. fucking awful. Yeah, Oh my God, it is. I hate it. I hate everything anyway. Free. So that your holiday tradition, so Jackson stread, incredible, as he fucking should. Okay, well, my family's definitely not as enthusiastic, but you don't have four different Christmases. God, we used to have. So my dad side of the family, my dad has three siblings, but one of them lives in Honduras. So we used to have grand family christmases up and that's my last name, Graham, like the crop guy's fine, everything about avy right now, let's go. Let's go. It's literally on her instagram. Her last name is. It's on my so it's on my author account. Yeah, my personal you can't find me. Yeah, don't do anyway. And Anyway, so we used to have grand family christmases where my crap, my, no, we didn't. Actually my would alternate houses, but basically it would be my family and then my dad's two siblings that live in Alberta, and then my grandma and my Grandpa, my dad say, and that was you know, that was always fun. And then my family, like we got like a strange for my aunts and stuff like we never talk to them. Yeah, so, yeah, then that stopped happening a few years ago. That was actually really awful. Anyways, anyway, yeah, we go on. That's my trauma. We don't. We don't really like do big family things. Like we will see our family members leading up to Christmas. Maybe they'll come out to the house or something like that. But Christmas, I I fucking love Christmas. It is my favorite holiday. I love the traditions. I love the whole thing about it. So my family has a few traditions, and my favorite one is that at the beginning of December we set up a Christmas puzzle and then we work on it through the entirety of December. So actually I had to buy my heary own this year because I'm in Uni and I have it set up on like a set of roars. I'm about halfway done our traditions. I love it. I think, Oh my God, they're they're my favorite part. But like yeah, and I love when we get like the thousand piece puzzle or like more, because then that makes it like even better because it takes longer. I just I love puzzles, Dude. I love it. It brings me so much to Wy. I love that so much. That's one of our traditions. Another tradition is that we we always watch Elf and National Lampoon's Christmas holiday. Those are like like, well, watch other Christmas movies maybe, but like those are the two movies that like they are Christmas. Yeah, watch them every year and then we like loser shit laughing every time, because it doesn't matter how many times we've seen it, it is still hilarious. Yeah, so you're fromaily. Like all this time I'm just like realizing like how different my life has been because like it was like yeah, I know, my family doesn't. And I'm just like wait, your family love each other. I don't believe that. That's kind of Christmas lead up and lead up to Christmas to like Willie will wrap our gifts and we'll put them under the tree and Oh, I haycuk. I thought that was something breaking. That's that? No, no, not yours. Don't know. No,...

Dad, is that denied? No, wrong, God slams I as you should. A Christmas, that Christmas lad up and then Christmas the twenty four. We don't really do like Christmas dinner, but that's also because like we don't really like cooke fancy dinners unless we're having people over. Like if we had people over, then my family, then my dad will like make a Turkey and like make a single talkie and stuff like that, and then we will that's usually when we will watch the national lampoons Christmas vacation and then we open gifts on the eve of the twenty four all of the time. Yeah, that's weird. Let's interest. Yeah, what do you do? What do you do for Christmas then? So that's the thing. So on Christmas Eve we open gifts from each other and my mom get those gifts from our dogs too. So, like, I opened a gift last year that was a book by it was them. Think about tack. I can't remember, but it was the Joan could book that came out last Oh yeah, yeah, because she's like my moon and my stars, my son, you're literally my grandmother. Um, she does the same thing. Anyway, one of these favored author, one of these episodes I's gonna come, will get like, oh, avery will what the episode, and then every singing me. Okay, and that's can be intervestion for every being an old posttion. No, dude, I need to crochet avery, like the Bernie Mittens. Oh my God, clean cards. I wanted to do it for Christmas, but I realized her birthing soon. Avery, avery is borings ten sanders. I am the Bernie Sanders name. Yeah, I would recreate that name. I would. I would really read it. That mean daily, I do, but like with the actual mittens and like I would do the pose and everything. Oh Dude, okay, I heard. Sorry to interrupt. There's like lower on the Bernie Mittens. Oh, so, like, okay, so the woman who knit them, she's been getting like bombarded by requests for her to make them again and start selling them, but she's like this, she's a little old woman, right, and she's like they're not for sale. It's so pretty. I don't know why it's hilarious. They're not first hacked by a bunch of genars. Who with her twenty little gloves. The she's like Babe for the Nice, the Nice political man. Yes, like, what the fuck have I died? Not as who hilarious. Oh my God, ever learn. I can't remember what I was saying before. We open gifts on Christmas Eve. Yeah, gifts from your dogs. Yes, that was what it was. Yeah, I got a jode of cold book last year, that said from blue and Rudy termine. No superfude. Every time. I love it. So that's what we do on Christmas Eve and then we go to sleep, and then, past few years my brother has woken us up at like six am or something, because even though he is indeed turning fifteen years old, he still loves it. Oh, it's been getting like gradually later in the morning, but yeah, it's usually around like like seven or something. Now, I don't know, we'll see this year because he has been like sleeping later, as teenage boys do. Yeah, people nude, maybe maybe you'll do with the camp up maybe, and like these dies. Yo. Yeah. Then Christ nakes day we wake up and we open our stockings from shantiff because like that's what our family like, that's...

...what Santa brings us. He brings US stockings instead of a bunch of gifts. Always that. That's cute. Yeah. No, and like the stockings are like fairly long. They're like probably like the length of my path, my sock I've like my aunt's family. They give bill like set of presence. They give them like literally mile on stockings just full of Shit. That's what I look at present. They open them in front of us every year and it's like, dude, what the fuck? Yeah, so Christmas morning we do our stockings and one tradition that we well, I don't know if it's like really counts as a tradition because, like Santa brings the stockings, but we always get kinder eggs surprises in our stockings. Yeah, that's really cute. A SOB. And then we my mom and I usually go back to bed. Actually, to be completely honest, at least that's how much should be, and then we wake up and we just kind of carry on with the day. We don't we don't do like Christmas breakfast or anything. My mom actually tried the second year that my parents were married, so I was like ten months old. My mom woke up super early. She liked made French toast front scratch and then she like set it down from my dad and he likes at a cock sat across from him and he had his fork and his knife poise. He was ready to dig in when my mom took a bite across from him and spat it out all over the table. You know, like you know and like movies or something, when they like like scratch at their tongue to get it out or something. Yeah, like that was what she did and she was like don't looks so funny. She had mistaken the salt for sugar. Oh my God, no, say, it's true. Yep. And Yeah, we, like I said, we don't really do anything for Christmas dinner. My parents did try to make a pizza one year and when they took it out of the oven, it like fell off of the C it fell off the thing when we were taking it out and it like fell right onto the other door. I think your family's cursed to just never have a Christmas meal. Yeah, we this is why we don't Cook. Heer Bake. Definitely angered. Some like God figure something and they're like, well, you're just never going to have a good feast on Christmas. We do have had your mom's cooking before, though. It's good. Yes, Chris, I like, Oh, Krey, don't go. We don't go like full out, like we make everything from a box. HMM, okay, except for my dad's hamburgers. He makes those by hand. That's us. I would know what they taste like, though, because I'm vegetarian, and that actually just remind me of another Christmas tradition my mom. Every year at Christmas she has this White Chocolate Macadamia that cheesecake recipe, and my dad is obsessed with it. Like if she makes it, it will be gone within like a day because my dad will just sit and he will eat all of it as Oh my God, me too, that sounds so fucking good. Holy Shit, Oh my God, it is. It is so good. Um. But yeah, he only ever makes it a Christmas because it will be gone. Yeah, so that is my family Christmas. Goddamn, that's so cute, honestly. Yeah, no, that's like I feel really bad because I'm about to absolutely just shit up the whole it's okay, me too like internal dislike for Christmas, mostly because my birthday is so close to it. M Ballad like only celebrate my birthday or only celebrate Christmas and there was never any in between. And the years that we would...

...celebrate my birthday was years when like I would turn like significant ages, like sixteen or like ten, like stuff like that, you know, like like milestones and stuff. Yeah, well, there's pretty much just be Oh yeah, by the way, I have a birthday anyways, Christmas time. You know, it's so I've kind of always had like not a hatred, because I do love Christmas time. I love the vibes, I love like I love in general, just giving things to people and like, you know, I was at the mall the other day and like the big Christmas tree in the middle and you know, all the vibes that whatever. Just always disliked it because I always felt like my existence was overshadowed by hard cheesus by some baby being born like a billion years ago. It kissed me off, as it should. You're unlessonport a baby because you want born born a billion years ago. That's what you think. But that being said, my family is the whitest of White, like I'm talking like fucking UN cook unseasoned, UN cooked chicken breath for dinner, camel flip, came fl you know how bunnies turn white in the winter. Yeah, but all the time my family is pain diggingly Caucasian. Christmas traditions consisted of, you know, the usual white things. But one thing I've noticed that all of you guys have said you didn't do that. I'm like, wait, this is like one of the big things. It's Christmas. I wants the fucking word Christmas breakfast. I can speak so because so, basically, because I lived with my mom until about two years ago. I have food moved out half got to believe, you know whatever disordered usual thing, but like whatever the control treat up with talking about line. But I've been living my dad for about two years now, so this will be my second Chris is living with him. But every morning on Christmas my mom would make handmade French toast. It was like cinnamon and like it was. It was really fancy and delicious and Shit, and then she would make like really like fancy coffees and stuff like that, and my siblings would both wake up at like on goal the hours in the morning. I never woke up early as a child, even for Christmas, because I valued my beauty sleep even in my younger years. As you said, Santa can wake from me. I know. I'm like, those gifts are not going anywhere, but you know where. I'm going back to bed. Okay, okay, but my siblings are both up on goodly hours in the morning and my parents had a rule that was like you can't open presence until the parents are awake and, yeah, until everyone's up. Yeah. So at this point my dad hadn't lived with us because my parents were split up for a while, so we would have to wait till my dad came from his house. So my siblings would just go down and we could open our stockings, but not like the actual presence. So they go down and they get the stockings from the fireplace and then beat open those instead of like you know, the sort of like a little sneak peek and then makes you feeful. We'd like go running in or whatever and start opening and stuff, and we would do it. My mom would categorize different presence and they'd be like like specific, like color like schemes of like the wrapping paper and stuff. So they all had something to do with each other. So if like my siblings got something, like when I used to bigger skate, like if my brother got like a soccer ball, me and my sister would get skating socks or something like that, like it was always like semi related, which was kind of cute now that I'm like thinking about it because, like you know, we love the coordination, love it, love it, ador it loves the coordination. But which. So he would like go through like different like sections, presents or whatever, and then we would have like slowly like relatives would come over. For some reason it was always our house. The relatives come over, and I realized now it's because we were the youngest, like we were always the youngest like anything in the family. Like all of my cousins are literally like thirty. What kind of sucks because, yeah, I grew up with adults my whole life, grow us all of the extent family would come to our house for Christmas breakfast and then we do that and then they usually all leave and then all of the people that didn't come to Christmas breakfast woul then come to Christmas dish. Amazing and like my dad like like...

...a whole Turkey thing. Blah, blah, blah. You know, she makes the best Max but patoes in the world and I would I they would be my final meal if I was on death row, which I'm not. This is not a confession to anything you said. Pressing lessons to the podcast. You said that like so many times I'm getting concerned. Sound not a confession. No, but and then we just do that. But we had like the bigest traditions. Like the O I can think of is Christmas Eve. We would go sledding on a hill near our old pre school, like every year consistently, except for last year because you know Lrona, Uh Huh, she we would open a Christmas Eve present. That was like my mom would get one for like everybody in the family, including my dad, and it was always matching pajamas. I know, fucking my my grandma does that too every year. Always like Oh, I wonder what's in the pajamas and then it's always matching pajamas and I oh my own. That's my mom. My mom got me, because she used to do the whole like the boys will get these ones and the girls will get these ones. And she did get me the same set that my brother and dad had. Amazing. Still hate open, you know, cuter, super dumb and white ones. Okay, but yeah, no, Um Oh. We also have designated couches at my mom's house for Christmas. So she's got two love seats in the like living room and then like a single chair or whatever, and so my brother would get the single chair and then he get like the piano bench's like a little table, and we and my sister would each get one very specific love see. I the one at the window. She had the one closest to the door so that she could get up and greet everyone that was coming in. And every single year, even now, we still are like that's my chair that you're sitting in, excuse you. And like before, when I look with my mom, our presence would stay there for so long, like this funny couches, because we'd use them in that spot and then just not put them back. So we were messy ass children. That's so funny. No, do, but I just think it's funny. It's like it's like, Oh my God, I look here something like I do too. But also I finally have a deep seated hatred for it because just because someone happened to be born through Immaculate Conception, which, look, I'm just saying, my dad doesn't know what I'm alive either, fucking celebrating the holiday over me. Now we are also jazz. I just have to say. I think about this all the time, but the fact that when we went to your father's house in like winter of last year and I told you I like your Christmas tree, you told me thank you. It's my dad put it up when he first moved here and it has not been taken down since. So my dad ten years ago, almost seven, and he put up the Christmas tree like we all hope and put up the Christmas tree the first year. It has not been taken down since, not one. It's not even the decorations have been taken off. That thing has been stopped and ready to go a whole eleven and a half years. That is literally my one. One day, one day he'll take it down and you think hold and you think he's dying, like he'll take it down and you'll fopun the day I die like that. Whatever takes that free down is what ends. Whoever has the power and gumption to take down the Christmas like that, seven billion people on this planet. I'm someone's going to break into your house and like's not taking it down for fun. fucking world would end. Oh my God, someone's like Oh hope, you take down the street and just just looks at you and it's like, so you've Chos you've chosen violence, so you've chosen that, chosen death. And then the tree starts fighting back. You know, I think the tree would actually get a legitimate star down. Probably that thing...

...has been standing long enough to gain its own conscious and I'm convinced of that. Wow traditions considerably. If it you know, something needs to turn sentient or it's not a Christmas dinner facts. That's going to be one of. You know, one year my Nana turn sentient. I was terrifying. I thought that she was like an a coma and the one crystals. She just woke up. I'm just not going to explain because I think it's funny here that way. Come on, it's your torm. Okay. So, I don't know, a happy slumber. So I don't know like going into the lore of my extended families tradition. So I'm going to stay within clip in my household, Famili's Lord. Oh my God, been watching too much mcyt. But basically, I haven't had a consistent Christmas since I was like the like born. I've never had consistent Christmas. It always changes depending on the lure. So within my household there are five traditions that have remained stagnant since I was at least eleven. This this sounds like the opening to like a book. It is I was figure this sound could be. This don't the opening to villains origin story. I've never had this villain origin story because it's literally the reason I hate Christmas. But anyways, there are. There's like a grand total of five traditions, and then I'm going to tell like my favorite Christmas story, which was the story that how you killed your father. Pretty much. Um, okay. So first Christmas, Christmas tradition, which I love, is whenever me and my brother gift each other something, it's always wrapped in like okay, so there's the first box and then there's five layers of duct tape, and then the second box and ten layers of duct tape and then the third box. I love that thing to do, like three layers of duct tape, some cellphone and then Christmas wrapping and put a nice bow on it and it's adorable. There's knives during Christmas. I love it. I love that for you. Right. The next tradition. My Dad will always cook some Fleck Shit for Christmas breakfast. Right. It'll always be something weird. It'll always smell burnt but taste really good and somehow it'll always go with a MIMOSA. Okay, okay, so sometimes it's French bread, sometimes it's pancakes, sometimes whatever. Okay, it's always goofy. It's just like it's like the one occasion, or one of the few occasions that my dad cook store at the year. Yeah, okay, and it's always so goofy. That's really goofy mood, Dad. Isn't a silly green mood, right? That's why you echoing, am I? Oh you are. You were like, sorry, that's my Christmas tree, dude, I was literally weird ask for you anyways. Oh, and then we like we saw this ornament at a Christmas shop in a place, because that I can't say because it docks me, and it was a pickle. It was a pickle ornament and I was like, yeah, this is fucking hilarious. What is this? It had a story on the back end. The story is like whoever finds the pickle gets, like the pickle gift, or gifts open their Christmas gift first, whatever, something. So we have the pickle tradition. Whoever finds the go hiding in the tree gets to open their geart first. Love. What religious that's from? That's on Germany's a job for Germany. Yeah, it's not. Remember my class. My class did that because we had a Christmas tree and some of US set up to decorate. So we decided to get a get a pickle. There's really giff. So whoever finds it just find that it lives the best life. You should put a cut out of Rick Sancho's faith. No going to. I'm going to find it then a loudly good shit. I ever saying. Are you okay? Dress MS call it that. It'll get very mad at you. blotting revenge. Anyway. Continue. Yeah, okay, so I forgot one of the traditions,...

...but it definitely happens. But the last one is okay. So my so my mom's birthday is always, shockingly, on the same day every year. Is always the twenty seventh of December. I look how you said shockingly on the same day. Talkingly, on the same day every year. So, yeah, my life to move once or twice. fucking weird. Actually, wait, that's so right. So our Christmas extents until my mom's birthday so that we can continue celebration, so that she gets birthday and Christmas at the same time. It's kind of weird. But the thing is, oh, she didn't get that growing up. She gets that because of my me and my brother and my dad and you love her. Yeah, yeah, so. But the the issue with that, right is until recently, me and my brother were always like, let's go like skiing for mom's birthday, and then my mom would always like catch the flu and couldn't go skiing it, but end up sitting in the car for twelve hours. Will we skied without her? Or would be like, let's go to this restaurant and my mom would get like food poison. So it's always turned out really bad for her birthday. But like, the thought is always there, but it's it never executed. Well, we're all under some sort of Christmas curse. Why? My Christis sounds out through my mom's specific oh my Indo a Christmas, course, because my mother didn't love my father. Yeah, you're that's not like. That sound like because you have to endure like seven events in it, like two day. Yeah, yeah, but that's because my dad can control to eat a good Christmas meal. My Chris is sentient them and hungry for blood. Definitely not the boy, it's you, and their mom's birthday right after Christmas will always be scarring. Oh it is. And we're like, we're planning something this year and I just hope it goes well, because it has so much potential to turn bad. Listen, Jack, just because my father had a drinking issue does not mean that I'm course hello, because I've heard that. Huh, Huh. What did you say about me, bitch? And that's how, like Mike, I'm coming at everyone today. I don't know. Oh, Oh my God, I just remember my Taco Doc. I just remembered the other tradition. Holy Shit, hang on, I'm kind of exciting because now the other ones have been extremely guotic. Okay, this is like a personal tradition for me. So I hate Christmas. I've never liked Christmas. It's overwhelming for me. I get like a spot f'story issues. I have panic attacks. It sucks. anyways, let's calm down about a fucking baby, shall we, like Jesus Right, right. So I get super overwhelmed and I have since I was a little but the one thing that like has always remained constant for me as I loved the grange because he also hated Christmas. So I had like at the age of six, I have emotionally attached myself to the Jim Carrey's version of the curne solely because, solely because he does the fashion show and he's like well, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm like, Oh my God, that's me before I go to school, because I used to do that. But Mike laws, he's like unrealistically, like really relatable in that movie, like I know where he's like. There's especially when he eat wallowing myself pity, especially when he eats the glass bottle. I was like me too best. So like, ever since six, I would be like to watch the gridge with my parents and then now, recently, I've just been watching it on Netflix. It's my fame member. Me were to go see that new animated grinch movie a few years ago. When I came, yes and I both cried. We probably loved it. Yeah, because the grids hould your special place in my three times too small part. We were like, we're getting next to each other because it's we were. We were like looking at each other and are like, Oh my God, the grinch just has anxiety, like I know, I know, like I just I love the gridge. I've always loved the gridge because he didn't like I want to watch. He was scared of people. Right, he's just scared of people, like they bullied him. That was it. And I was like, Oh my God, my little six year old self relates loud noise. You didn't like the people made fun of them because he was different. So, yeah, Oh my God, yeah, the grinch was just neurow divergent. Yeah, like I can the and that's what anyway, thank you. Thank you so much watching today. That's so I think that's a good, great place to end it. Oh my God, you were like this is the last one. Five Thou last tradition, I said. I have like traditions and then a story. Okay, go on. Okay, my favorite Christmas was. Okay, so I've always liked kind of hated opening gifts because it's overwhelming. Rights. My favorite Christmas is when one year my mom was like, Hey, do you want to like take all the presents funds and then like, you know, just like donate it and like give shit out to people? And I was...

...like Hell Yeah. So we took all the money, bought a bunch of like supplies to make sandwiches, because we weren't old enough to go and volunteer at the mustard seed to go and make them there, so we just made them at home. We tacked a bunch of these little lunches and then we brought them to the mustard seed and that was day one. And then the next day we got a bunch of coffee and doughnuts and hot chocolate from Tim Horton's and then we just like stood on the street corner next to the mustard seed and hunk and handed it out to everyone who pass by. And then we had these little like backpacks with like, you know, like tampons instead of paths, like mouthwash without alcohol in them, and then like to faste, tooth toothbrushes, whatever, toilet paper. We handed these out to whoever like wanted them. Yeah, pretty much. We didn't have that many, so, like, shut up. That's so using best to be. And then, instead of presents that year we just did like stockings, which was like really fun because it was like all these little small gifts that were so fun and like Trinkitty, and I love that. I love it too. That's so too. Should like really be about right. Really, that's that makes me happy. I like, like I'm not regious. I want to be rich, because I want to do both. I want to like make have give my kids bunch of gifts, but I also want to like go on and like go and like give tre like give a bunch of money to charity, to write. Like I want to teach my kids that it's not all about gifts, you know, when that like, at the end of the day, the real of is, you know, seeing somebody else smile. Could you can do whatever the hell you want the material things, but okay, calm, okay, common this like I think like this. yere's the hang on. Can you hear me? Yes, because my headphones unplugged. Anyways, Um, the gift I gave my mom was probably the least expensive one, but I think she'll love it the most because it's like a bath bomb and she loves baths. Love that full. I mean like for me, the INXPENSIVE, like like super like meaningful and like thoughtful gifts, like my aunt gives the best gifts ever, like I don't even know how she does it. I wish I could get gifts like her, but she is Satan. How did you know that my brain was doing the brain that so much sense? Yes, thank you. How did you know I would love a lot of frog? Exactly? I had. She's never given me a prog, though, but I would cry if she did. This year she gets you a livelog. That's kind of a person that I am. That's kind of the person I am around Christmas. I don't really like the gift opening scene. I it makes me feel like pressure, put on the spot. I don't like the idea of like ripping things apart. Yeah, but you know, I relate some um the I think. Yeah, it's weird. I just like I sit in the corner. Strangely, I don't see anything, and my brother slowly stacks me a pile and then I just like, like quietly, like take my time and open. But what's your knife to open gifts? I love listen. I have fallen directly to the cap of society and I love opening gifts. I like, absolutely adore it, but I also don't like opening gifts in front of other people. So, like, I'm like I like getting things right and opening factors and seeing what they are, but also I don't want the Posson who got it from me there, because then, if it's something I don't like, I'm just like an avocado narcissist. But I love it when people get these things that I don't like, that I'll like protector, really like it and then later like shit on them. Oh anyways, yeah, I don't really like the gift like eating part that I love giving it is like my whole thing. Like I've given you guys gifts like just like Oh, yeah, no reason. When I got my appendant out, which I still have, by the way, tying on my wall, your pendent I made it. I gave me up ate. It says. So my favorite book with margin notes. That's sting thought I need to break up. That's see, you need to you need to read my other books that are like that so that I can read what you think about them. Oh, Oh my God, I would love to. Like. Yeah, like, I just I love doing things for people like that, like really show how much thoughts, like, because I think about people all the time and like I copast really be at the store. Yeah, I am. I've painter sports of you guys I know. Yeah, I have friends calming a pest. Yeah, yeah, I...

...just I love doing things for people and I love giving things because that's how I express affection. Like, Oh my God, I found the best gift for my mom this year. So there's this one, like it wasn't a penis, was it? Nom Dieu? There's this like one brand of like sculptures, like they look like wood carved or something. I think they're glass, though, and they have like some of them have like wire angel wings. I'm not sure. All willow tree, willow tree, I think they're call my oh, yeah, those things are gorgeous. Yeah, yeah, they're like my mom loves them. She has like a collection of them and stuff and like they they all kind of most of the ones. If she have have some sort of like special significance, like one she gave to my dad after I was born, and then like a one or two she was given while she was pregnant with me. And I found one. I found them in a store at mark a'm all, and I like I lost my mind because I was like, Oh my God, this is the perfect thing, and it was a they were selling them as ornaments and she doesn't have one as an ornament. So I found it and it was one of like a little girl with angel with the wire Angel Wings and she was holding a dog and I was like that is literally perfect. I love the yeah, I mean my dad, it's like not as cool, but yeah, because we play. I don't hate my dad. How dare you? I dine in a hole breath aggressive, non debby issues, mentally ill friends. As a present, read their favorite all and editated. Literally. What about a father? But a dad? My Dad, though, I got him a Mug that says thanks for not hitting it and quittings. I was I could hear my dad's that, but eventually quitted like three years into it. Yeah, but anyway, I think that's a great place to end today's episode. We've been here for a while like confenders on my computers on one percent. So yeah, that's why I wanted to edit. Or what's in ours is like a guys, listen, lovely is having my moment. You guys want that's why I didn't just say shut up, because I have my computer sign but thank you so much for Ting into this episodes. We hope you have a happy holiday. We hope we spend it you hope. We hope you spend it with the people you love and that you have an amazing time and that nothing bad happens, because hopefully you're not as close as us, and make sure you look out for justice tree. Anyway, see you next week. If not, having good rest your life. Is there anything else to add? Valid as fuck. Christmas addition, drafts have two tongues. If you see my Christmas tree called the pope, it's the only thing that will save you and stay.

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