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House of Cards: An LGBT Podcast
House of Cards: An LGBT Podcast

Episode · 1 month ago

House of Cards: An LGBTQ Podcast: Reproductive Technologies

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Today! Jaxson was out being lame and Jesse had been kidnapped for family events! So Avery and Simone were left to their own devices! But Jaxson made sure his presences would still be felt as he and avery pranked Simone! After that spoof, Avery and Simone talked about Marvel gay heros before moving on to the topic of the day Reproductive Technologies! We hope you liked the epsiode and we hope to see you next week! if not, have a good rest of your life! Remember you are vaild as fuck, and stay gay.

Twitter: @LGBT_deck

Instagram: @houseofcards_podcast

Tiktok: @houseofcardslgbt

Written by Avery Ann

Edited by Jaxson Stiles

Produced by: Jaxson , Avery and Simone, Jesse,

Music: Lofi-Missing memories , lofi fading away, lofi fly and lofi escapie,

By I like dipped out, becauseI okay, sweete recording. Amazing. Why? VIBE'S IS ALIEN GENDER NORMS? Who? Interesting, Nice. Have you read through your parts? Yes, kind of the parts that I can read. Yes, okay, Idid change them a tiny bit since Jeff couldn't be here. Yeah, that'sfair. Yeah, so I guess one. Never I'm ready. Oh Yo,what is this? Hey, what? What? Avery? What is thisavery? What is this? Is the Communist Manifesto? Is it actually? It is part of it. Oh No, what if I do?Oh Fuck, what did I do to im? I'm not sure what youdid, but, in case you haven't noticed, you have been spoofed.was originally it was supposed to be you. And yes, because Jackson, mydear friend Jackson, could not be here for this episode, he andI decided that we would spoof Simone and Jess what the hell, with ascript of the con in his manifesto. He requested this of me and Ihave done it. It has been done. Our actually tab it is reproductive technologies. Wacky. Okay indeed. Let's start the actual episode. Okay,hey there, demons, it's me, your boy, I'm Abrian. Welcometo the House of cards and lgbtq plus podcast. I have been watching Guardantuanamount of busbeed unsolved. My brain is fried. I love that for you. Hi, I'm Simon. I use she. They pronounced every ranked thefuck out of me. I didn't even notice that because I was like tryingto read through my script, but I kept getting distracted by the fact thatlike the other thing was jumbled. MMMMMMM yes, Jackson and I Frank Simone, that was horrible. That was a hate private. That was a hatecrime, the communist manifest though. Hate crime. It was supposed to befor both Simon and jess but unfortunately just has been seized by their grandfather.So quttacked right now, I feel. And then, also, because likeI had a really bad mental day, Jackson and I were also like laughingthat you guys were going to think that I had just gone completely over theedge. Oh my God, we were joking. We were like, wow, avery's had a fucking stroke. That's so mean. What the hell.I'm so sad it's not even April first.

Well, because Jackson is uneven tobe here because he's studying for his chemistry diploma, which is Um helame. It's lame. Yeah, yeah, how dare such a door? AndI'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. A love me test. We lovehim, we do. I'M gonna get a text like a month fromnow when he said the thing that you are all who's gonna be like,what the fuck'd be like? How do you call me a Dork? WhoDo you call me late? I mean because we can't do chemistry. SoI I can do chemistry. I purposefully failed chemistry because I wanted my teacherto get fired. Oh my God, that is so valid. I shouldn'tstopped going. Yeah, I actually I couldn't do chemistry. I thought I'dbe great at it and then I passed with fifty two percent. I failedsuccessfully with a twenty two. Oh my God, and keep like okay.So keep in mind at the beginning of the semester I've been getting like sand s on all the tests. fucking how people can understand chemistry like Ican't. I didn't understand it. I would just cram like thirty minute.It's before class started if there is a test, and then somehow it mademy brain go Burg. Oh my God, Hi, fucking wish. That's justhow my brain works like. I did an entire math unit in twohours the other day and I ended up getting like ninety percent on the finalunit test. You're Goo scirlwash Shit. Straight up, I don't remember anyof it now, but you know, yeah, my literally my entire eleventhgrade here. Would you like to do some promotions? Oh yes, Iwill promote our social media, even though I'm heartbroken about being cranked. Followus on instagram. Our INSTAGRAM is post cards underscore podcast, our twitter islgbt underscore deck and our tick tock is house of cards podcast. I don'tthink any of US actually posted our tick tock anymore, though. No,Jackson did make us like a post and schedule, I think, for themonth of August, and then none of us ever did it again. Myexcuse is I switched medications for the fifth time. I mean like everyone's ina while. I do something on the instagram like actually, and I'm Iwrote this into the episode, Marvel has an actual fucking gay stuperd hero.Now, okay, who is it, because please tell me it's you,Lena it. I mean no, abso sexual or she is in the commics, but like I'm talking like mcu. Okay, yes, I wanted tothose. See E turnals over there the weekend and there was like an actualfucking like man on man kissed and like actual like admittance of being husbands andShit, like there was no beating around the bush. Oh my God,what were their names? I need to be those. That sounds so weird. Um, that sounds like those and but okay, that sounds like theweird Fetishiz Asian thing middle school girls do about gay men when they read whatpet fan fictions with damn and Phil. Oh my God, thanks. Sorry, that wasn't targeted any at anyone.

I was about to say their names. That would have been bad, right. Yeah, redacted, redacted and redactedfives. Call them out. I did, but, oh my God, I swear in the theater, like I like saw them on screen andI was like Yay immediately, but I was also like, oh, Marvel'sjust gonna let have them be like rutter. I was like, okay, look, like like let's be realistic. This is marvel. They did fuckingselfset with like low key. So I was like yeah, okay, they'renot actually going to be like gay. Yeah, like I had I hadlike a accepted that but then you like it. Come one scene and it'slike the Superhero says my husband, the words my husband, and I like, Oh my God, I swear I am stroked right then and there.What if they make it sistet somehow? I know, I know it might. They might. Oh my God, what if? Oh God, Ijust had the worst theory in the world crossed my mind. Oh my God, I don't even want to know. I don't even want to know.No, no, it's okay. What if, like Stanley, was superhomophobic and prevented all of the movies from having gay characters anyways? Oh No, now, what if? Now I have to Google this? How dareyou? Sorry, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. Was Stanley Homophoban? I don't think so. It did nothing, nothingreally says like that. He was. Oh Um, first thing I foundwas a reddit post. It said he may be racist. From facebook.Yeah, Um, oh, stay, Stanley made it okay for us tobe Queer, but I saw that too. Yeah, I can't find anything thatsays he might have been homophobic, but who knows? Dude might havebeen. He was a little cell. Tom Holland is open to spider mancoming out as gay. I thought that, dude, the baby loses. Ohmy God, yeah, like I know why there's a baby article here, but I'm talking about Stanley, right, it's Stanley, just Dah baby.Okay, according to an eye funny article title, Stanley was racist andhomophobic and other things. This is so heartbreaking. We may say it wasprobably likely. There would have been so many more fruity characters if he wasnot, Hopele phobic. Let's be real here. Facts. You cannot.You cannot wear a skin tight suit and not be a little fruity. Thatis so true. I'm just seeing anyways. Yeah, but then, like thecharacters, they these two men, actually kissed on screen. They did. So, what's they? They did. So it's not just queer bathing likesupernatural. It like actually happened. Yeah, they like actually kiss.There was lip on limp I wife, I like lack to my friends,like jaw drop, and I just did the limperus thing like over and overagain. This is, Oh my God, right, like the best moment incinematic history, like ever. Oh my God, I mean it's behonest. It was probably only because it was not directed by the Russ orlike Kevin Figgy, but we are taking...

...it anyways. Tony Starts Bisexual.Yes, I don't care what anyone says. Tony Stark Bisexual. Peter Parker Bisexual, like this is ours. Bisexual Sexual. DEADPOOL'S PAN sexual. Apparentlythat's true. That's actually cannon, like, yeah, I know that. That'snot why I'm UN in the comics and also Canadian, but he isand we stand and that is cannon in the movies. So yeah, maybethat's what my dad like s deadpool so much because he's fruity and Canadian.That incredible. That is so valid. I know. Wow, wow,wow, wow. Look to the top office. I think we should.We've been a lot of time talking about gay superheroes, but prefos. Thatshould be the that should be the job. Oh my God. Well, yeah, adding it to the topic list, as you should. That's how youadd it. Okay, got it. Thirty superheroes, nice and now amazing. Okay, our topic today is reproductive technologies. I just learned aboutthis and bio actually, on my God, no way, like I skimped overit so I could do the projects, but I learned it in quotations.anyways. Yes, I reference the textbook on tests. Okay, we'vetalked a lot about different topics on this podcast, but today we're going tobe talking about the ways that lgbtq plus couples can have biological children. Ijust hit my microphone. That probably sounded goofy here. Anything too bad indeed. Today we are talking about baby making. That was what anyways, whether youbelieve them, babies come from storks or are mailed in parts without twovenules, like in the two thousand and five note for your robots. WhatI've been thinking about that movie a lot. Not gonna lie. ANYWAYS, we'rehere to set the record. Gay Babies are made when a sperm andan egg love each other very much. The conjoined nucleus of the sperm andegg then divide into a great big ball of cells and then abricadaver. There'sa baby the size of a paper clip and Mommy's Tummy. Mommy, sorry, Mommy, sorry, Mommy, sorry, tits. Fuck Shit. This isthe glafter moving on, while the more traditional way to joining firm andegg plain, old, boring penis in a vagina sense. Sex, notsense, oh my God's sense, say. Also, bumping, ugly, knockingBoog and putting your telescope on my island. Oh me, no needin other ways to you did not incorporate. Okay, I did, I did. That's an inside joke. Today, you know, we're going to betalking about your three forms of reproductive technologies that will out for baby makingwithout ever engaging in, for plain, old, boring penis in vagina sex. Not Sense. Is it my turn? We're the only two people we here. I know that, owing to their historical position, it became avocation of the aristocracies of France and England to right pamphlets again modern bougeois society. In the French Revolution of July eight thirty, in English reform agitation,these aristocracies again succumb to the hateful upper...

...start. Thenceforth, a serious politicalstruggle was also out of the question. A literary battle alone remained possible,but even in the domain of literature, the old cries of the restoration periodhad become impossible. These three forms, of these three forms are surgusy,artificial insemination, and IVF, which stands for in vitro fertilization. Sorry,I love thank you. Thank you. Well, surregusy is often accompanied byeither artificial insemination, or IVF. We're including it as its own option forLGBTQ plist couples in which neither partners have the cability, capability, capability anywaysor desire to carry a child. These technologies are also popular options for peoplesuffering from infertility or who do not want to be pregnant. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Arti facial and semination is one. Spermis directly I forgot a word. They're they're okay, so like a shell. Artificial insemination is one. Sperm is directly inserted into a female's service.quikside. Not because this episode talks about like biology, we're going to beusing female and nail to refer to biological sex instead of like referring to genderas female. So sex is female. Yes, like my biology textbook does. Yeah, because I think it's outdated. It was written in the s anyways. Yeah, yeah, so when firm is directly inserted into a femaleservice, euter and cavity or Philippian tubes, by a doctor, the most commonis intra uter and insemination, where the doctor inserts this ferm like justright into the U Dorus and then like it just swins into those sounds gotawful Jesus. Yeah, it's actually like done with like a little patheteral thingfor something, but like Catheter, I know, is like what you putup like a you're like, I the your and stuff when you're H sotallypet a urine catheter. Oh my God, I'm going to vomit. I thinkso. But like a B Virgin, it's just like a very long,like little tub thing s just shee. Intentionally become pregnant as a virgin.No, no, it's actually it's by actress. How. anyways,it's a great so I love it. I need to watch it. SoI understand. Part of increasing the chances of getting pregnant via artificial insemination ismaking sure you're ovulating during your insemination. So your doctor will likely use ovulationkids, ultrasounds or bloodcasts to ensure this. Artificial insemination is short and relatively painlessprocedure that many females describe as similar to a mirror, which is avaginal procedure that doctors used to checker cervical abnormalities. That's what a PAP smearslike. Oh my God, I'm gonna while I'm going. They like,haven't you watched that like you. You put on that big mouth episode onetime when we had a sleepover. Yeah, that doesn't mean I paid attention.I was watching funny Dick sact like dogs. Oh, valid, Imean passed me or like in my mind, because, like, I actually havenot yet had one. For some...

...reason, my brain thinks of itas like a very long, like little like q tip me, something likethat that they put up there, the kind of like Swab. I feellike I should educate myself on what a paps mirror is, because I needto have one when I turn eighteen. Yeah, I actually had to lookinto getting one moved in the next few months because I'm gonna be Eighteen andOh, you ak see how you are right. It's a weird thought.That's wild. It is anyway, very continue. Okay, ides IVF,which again is in vitro fertilization, is when the sperm and egg nuclear arejoined outside the body. Wacky. In this process, the emails obvulation cyclesare monitored and stimulated through hormone treatments. That sounds like shit. Then matureeggs are removed from the ovaries before ovulation. What the fuck? At the sametime, sperm sample is collected and the eggs are fertilized in a lab. Lab Babies, yeah, patreded, Childish Child Experiment, fucking frank andsign anyways, then the egg, or eggs, it's usually eggs, becauseI have to do like a bunch of them to ensure it. They're transferredback into the female's uterus and the hopes that one will implant itself in theuterine wall and grow into a parasite, a baby, a parasite pres Imean, you're not wrong, I'm not. They take everything from you, includingyour paycheck. Exactly, especially your pay check. US especially, issurgasy. So surgasy is an arrangement, often supported by the legal document,in which a woman serget there's a child for another person or couple, thatyou'll give the baby two once it's born. There are two types of surrogacy,traditional and just stational. Traditional surgacy is when this target is also theegg donor. There for the surrogate, it's both the birth mother and geneticmother and is done through artificial insemination. So in traditional surgacy it's only likea sperm im plantation. Yeah, just, that's so weird. It's kind ofyeah, it's kind of strange. But yeah, so like a littlecool, I guess. Yeah, true. Yeah, just stational surgasy is whenthe surget is only the birth mother, so she's carrying it already fertilized egg, which is done through IDA. So with just stational then it's likeit's already been like a mixed together into little patre dish, been stirred upwith spoons. Good Soup, and then good, like yeah, good soupand I'm gonna Piss and they need to just like shoved up there. I'mnever having children. The Holy Ye. Okay, okay, success rates forreproductive technologies often vary according to age, fertility and reproductive abnormalities. Geez,okay, side effects may include, but are not limited light bleeding, crampingor increased chance of twins or triplets, called by Hunter fucks. Sorry that. Yeah, don't go on. Nevertheless,...

...go forth and have many beautiful LGBTQplas babies. That I thought I was going to say. Everyone needsgay parents. Well, I mean that too. Yeah, everyone who usesreproductive tech, either for lack of desire to carry a child or inability tocarry a child, is valid as book. Yes, what is the sinitive notes. Yes, yes, yeah, I mean, like I didn't reallyinclude this in the episode, but like these things are like aches by oSam, but like fucking everything is in this world. So there are cheaperways to go about it. Yeah, but also like like there's expensive spermdonation and there's steep spurred the donation, which one is called tender and theother one is called I mean, you're not wrong. That's like the newgirl episode where like Nick's cousin asks him to have sex with his wife.Yeah, or like in shameless I've never watching. Oh well, there's thiscouple who they have the husband have sex with a mother in law to havea child. Oh yeah, it's goofy that. That is so whack.Yeah, yeah, but like reproductive tech is so valid and like, ifyou're like hating on people for doing ideas, then and I will cresh you upin my blender and I will spit on your brave. It's literally homophobicand we're going to make your bones into bread. Yep, did I justhear a door open? No, that's my chair. It was squeaky.I know she's so squeaky it's terrifying. Well, we love her, wedo love her all right, on those joints, losing some oil on thosejoints. I think she's fine. He Quirky. She Quirky, she creaky. All right. I think that's it for this episode. I think itis as well. I gotta say. Yeah, what is Jackson usually saythat we have to do a little thing. We hope you enjoy this episode,hope we see you again, hope see you get in the okay.I think it's like we hope you have a good day, we hope youenjoyed this episode and we hope to see you again. If not, thenhave a good rest of your life. Anything else to add? Yes,validos. Fuck, I'm going to watch more BUZZF be done. Saw andthen Jes says stay gay, Gay, Kay, y'all. By y'all.I'M gonna stop recording now.

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